New Zealand Songs of F*cking Angst pt. 1

Welcome to the first installment of New Zealand Songs of F*cking Angst, a short series of blog posts that I will be doing intermittently over coming months, focusing on a selection of songs by New Zealand bands, songs which feature a healthy dose of good old fashioned drama and turmoil.
I'm dedicating this post to ZombieHamster, because I told him I would.
So, first up in the series:

Headless Chickens: Gaskrankinstation


For those of you not familiar with the band Headless Chickens, here's a brief rundown.
Headless chickens started out in 1986, formed by ex- Children's Hour Members Chris Matthews (vocals & guitar) and Johnny Pierce (bass) plus a fellow named Michael Lawry.
They put out a self titled mini-album with this lineup full of their soon to be trademark strange sounds and dark humour, then Johnny took his own life.
Grant Fell (the other Children's Hour guitarist) had just returned to NZ from Australia, and during this sad time joined HC as bassist. Ex-Children's Hour drummer Bevan Sweeny also joined up as their drummer around this time.

This lineup released the album Stunt Clown in 1988, after which co-vocalist Fiona McDonald joined the band. They then released the seminal 1991 album Body Blow, which both of the tracks featured in this post are taken from, and which is in my opinion one of the finest albums to come out of New Zealand.
You can find out more about the band by starting here, if you so desire.

And thus, the mighty Gaskrankinstation:

Click here to see a fullscreen version of the clip.

Now, this brand of angst is far removed from the whiney dross that started appearing in popular music after the early nineties "grunge revolution" changed the zeitgeist of music culture, nor is it the limp wristed misery posturing of today's "emo" bands.
No, this is the sound of sheer choking proletarian desperation, which cuts right down to the bone, wrenches the soul, and genuinely means something.
Listen to that sweeping, exhilarating guitar solo & the middle 8 that follows. That's pure soul right there guys. This is raw social commentary. This is something that matters. I fucking love this song with every fiber of my being.
Ivan's tale of frustrated, impotent rage here is a testament to how life itself can very easily eat you up whole, or in Ivan's case, life is content to just chew him up over the course of 20+ years.
Its a fucking bitter place to dwell, in the unrelenting maw of life's indifference.


Look at how much smaller than everyone else Fiona is.

But don't go getting the impression that Headless Chickens were just some one dimensional monger of nasty. Here's another side to the band, the gorgeous, shimmering and haunting song Juice.

Headless Chickens: Juice


Click here for a fullscreen version.

This song... I've listened to this song hundreds of times over the years, and it never fails to put a big lump in my throat and a feeling of wonder in my jaded wee heart. And that's really saying something about how awesome I think it is. If you change the lyrics from "back in '77" to "back in '97", well, its pretty much me all over. This song also features one of the creepiest little middle 8's you'll ever hear.

SO, in summation. Headless Chickens. A band well ahead of its time (without HC there would be no Garbage, or many of the bands of that ilk which followed in the wake of Garbage's popularity). A band capable of being both scathingly vicious and hauntingly beautiful. For all the things that this band was (and now is, as they reformed recently), they were always innovative, sincere (even at their most sarcastic), and never ever dull.

Highly recommended.
☠ Chloé

Murder Burger

Whew. Let me just preface this post by saying that the last few days have been exhausting for me, as I've been caught up in helping the cops find a missing boy. He was found yesterday, in part because of my hunch that he was in a certain room of a certain hotel, against his will. It feels good to use my divinatory abilities to help others.


Click to embiggen.


Anyway. on with the post.

That cat wants to nibble on your fleshy bits.


Murder Burger is a burger place located on Ponsonby Street in Auckland, New Zealand.
As you can see, they have no qualms about any potential offense they might cause non meat eaters, or any other members of the public for that matter. Just check out their adverts and you'll see what I mean. My favourite adverts there are the first and last ones. I actually have a flyer featuring the first ad in that list on my refrigerator.
The whole vibe this place throws out is pretty much one big celebration of meat. Meeeaaat, coupled with this somewhat laddish sense of humour.
If you peruse their menu you'll see that even their salad is comprised of nothing but different types of meat. Even their website is "powered by meat". And look at their shirts, which are ironically something you could wear to a Morrissey show and probably be commended for in the minds of fellow gig goers not in the know.

Is the food any good? I honestly can't say from personal experience. I've only been in the store twice, and that was with friends who were ordering food there, and I didn't order anything. Said friends quite enjoy the food there though.

Something that is well worth doing on this site is going through the blog archives, as the blog posts are almost exclusively comprised of photos of cool, interesting and sometimes quite hilarious random things.

I hear if you say "Moider Boiger" three times whilst looking into a mirror, a portal will open up over your head from out of which a bucket load of pig blood will fall, dousing you à la that famous scene in Carrie.

Mwooooooohahahahahaaaaa!!!
☠ Chloé

ROBOGEISHA

Killer robot geisha, armed with an array of weaponry, such as various blades, missiles, flesh melting breast milk and (at least in the case of one of them) the ability to turn into some kind of fucked up tracked vehicle from the waist down. A giant shiro robot that smacks buildings and makes the buildings bleed. Cheesy special effects and even cheesier music. Handicap gun. Fried shrimp!
Yes, its the trailer for RoboGeisha, the latest offering from writer-director Noboru Iguchi (The Machine Girl) and special effects whizz Yoshihiro Nishimura (the director of Tokyo Gore Police).


And by the looks of this trailer, the movie comes replete with many of the trademarks (inordinate amounts of gore, over the top special effects and, ahem, "unconventional" weapon placement) associated with these two Japanese film reprobates.
Looks to me like this film will be a continuation of the gloriously irreverent randomness these two have made a name for themselves for over the past few years.

But arguably not a very suitable movie for a first date.

Warning: TRAILER NSFW




☠ Chloé

Animal Collective(s)

Hi all. First off, I apologize for the lack of a journal post last week. I've been very ill, and also very busy watching youtube clips of idiots.

Anyway, names for groups of animals. Or more specifically, the sometimes fitting, sometimes downright odd names used for animal groups. Most people will be quite familiar with a flock of sheep, a pack of wolves, and a pride of lions. But of course, for every type of animal out there, there is a name for a group of them together. Sometimes there are several names for a group of the same creature. Some of these names are very apt. Some of these names sound like whomever came up with the name just decided to take the piss completely (a "swarm" of bees, fine, that makes sense. But a "bike" of bees? What the fuck?)
So after a bunch of hours of research (trawling through the ASPCA website, a few different zoo's websites (most notably the San Diego Zoo site), plus smattering of reputable zoölogy sites & such, I have come up with a list of the most apt, ridiculous, silly and/or downright mystifying names for animal groups. This is by no means a comprehensive list, these are just the names that I could find that had conclusive proof of their authenticity.



alligators: congregation
apes: troop, shrewdness
badgers: cete, colony, set, company
bats: colony, cloud ~aiiiieee! I am being besieged by a vicious cloud of bats!!!
bears: sleuth
beavers: family, colony
bees: grist, hive, swarm, drift, bike
boars: sounder, singular ~so a group of boars is called a "singular". You people are weird.
buffalo: obstinancy
bullfinches: bellowing ~taking the "bull" part of this bird's name a little too literally aren't we?
butterflies: flight, flutter, (plus many more unconfirmed names, names like "kaleidoscope")
buzzards: wake ~as in the funeral wake they'll have after tearing your carcass asunder & devouring all but the bones. Or not.
camels: train, caravan, flock
cats: clowder, cluster, dout, glaring, glorying, pounce, nuisance ~well they do glare, and they can be a nuisance. Unfortunately "rowdy bunch of mangy flea-bitten bastards" isn't an official agnomen.
caterpillars: army ~a group of frogs is also referred to as being an army.
cheetahs: coalition ~that is fucking awesome.
chickens: brood, peep
cockroaches: intrusion ~just like on "Joe's Apartment".
cormorants: gulp ~if you've ever seen one of these birds eat a fish you'll know why they have this name.
cows: kine
crows: horde, murder, parcel, storytelling ~I suspect "storytelling" is a pretty old name for a group of crows.
crocodiles: bask, float ~why not a "deathtrap"?
doves: arc, dule, flight, pitying
eagles: aerie, convocation
emus: mob
ferrets: business, cast, fesnying
finches: charm
flamingos: stand, flamboyance
foxes: earth, lead, leash, skulk, troop ~skulk = totally cool name.
giraffes: herd, corps, tower
goldfish: glint, troubling ~I'm never going to look at a goldfish the same way again.
grasshoppers: cloud
hawks: boil, cast, kettle
hedgehogs: array ~I say Chauncy! What a delightful array of hedgehogs I spied on the grounds this morning!
hippos: bloat
hornets: nest, bike ~again with the bike thing.
hyenas: cackle ~so very apt
jellyfish: smack, brood
larks: exaltation
leopards: leap
lions: pride
lizards: lounge ~Yep. A lounge. Sourced from San Diego Zoo. I'm as surprised as you are.
mice: mischief ~heeeee! ^__^
midges: bite ~aw c'mon, that's not even trying!
monkeys: barrel, cartload, troop, tribe ~yes, barrel. According to the San Diego Zoo, barrel is indeed a proper, accepted name for a group of monkeys. WikiAnswers provided "cartload". I couldn't verify these two words from any other source though. Fucking monkeys, always giving me the runaround.
mosquitoes: scourge ~yes, that too is very apt.
otters: romp, bevy, family, raft
owls: parliament ~I thought owls were supposed to be "wise". Everyone knows a parliament is full of fools.
parrots: company, pandemonium
peacocks: muster, ostentation, pride
porcupines: prickle
prairie dogs: coterie
rabbits: warren
raccoons: gaze
rattlesnakes: rhumba ~sadly, cobra "polkas" is merely a name I just made up now.
ravens: unkindness ~a bunch of crows might murder you, a bunch of ravens will just be mean to you. Pussies.
rhinoceroses: crash, stubbornness ~an "irritability" or a "myopic brouhaha" would also work well I reckon.
seabirds: wreck
snails: escargatoire, rout, walk
spiders: clutter
starlings: chattering, murmuration
storks: mustering
squirrels: dray, scurry ~why not a "skitter" or a "scamper" of squirrels then?
thrush: mutation ~that's so lovely.
tigers: ambush, streak ~an ambush. Ho ho ho how deliciously sinister.
turkeys: rafter
vipers: generation
vultures: colony, venue
vultures (circling): kettle ~as you lie dying in the desert, be aware that your flesh will soon be ripped apart & consumed by that kettle circling overhead.
weasels: pack, colony ~I don't know about you, but the phrase "a pack of weasels" brings such joy to my heart.
wombats: wisdom
woodpeckers: descent
zebras: herd, zeal



Hopefully you've found at least one name you hadn't heard of before that tickles your fancy. I sure found a few! :D

☠ Chloé