Gone Emo (Not Really)

Because I'm a rather small, fairly thin, floppy-fringed git, I was recently approached by the local emo band (the "Suitably Allienated & Downcast Suburban Anguish Quartet", or "SADSAQ" for short) to be their lead singer.
I'm certainly capable of "singing" in a whiny, nasally voice, and regular readers of my entries here will recognize how adept I am at grizzling about things. Besides, if that woman from Paramore can do it then so can I (which doesn't mean I should do it, but oh well).
The band had some songs but no lyrics. Those were left for me to write. I decided to come up with some song titles first. All modern emo bands need "wacky" song titles. Just like all 80's hair metal bands needed at least two members who sported permed and feathered mullets.
Most of these song titles aren't examples of great work on my part (they were all dreamed up during a 20 minute car ride). But there are a couple I quite like.


I'm Straight Edge But I'll Meet you At The Whinery

Razor Scars On Your Arms As A Fashion Accessory [actually, this one seems more suitable as a Locust song title]

Obligatory Girl's Name

Yet Another Ridiculously Long Song Title That Has Nothing Remotely To Do With The Song's Lyrics Or What The Song Is About

I'd Like To Sleep With You But Your'e So Pretty And I'm So Shy So I'll Just Stay In My Room And Have A Cry And A Wank Instead (Doing Procreation A Favour)

There's A Good Reason These Monkeys Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet

I Have 37 Fall Out Boy Songs On My itunes But Not One Song By Planes Mistaken For Stars

13 years Ago We Would Have Been Rapping Over Downtuned Guitars

We Love E And A Pentatonic-Based Riffs, That's Why All Our Melodic Guitar Parts Sound Like They're Been Played By Heavilly Intoxicated Members Of Iron Maiden

I Like To Wear Clear Plastic-Lensed Spectacles

glassJAw Eats Bands Like Yours For Breakfast

The Only thing XXX About You Is That Porno Your Mom Made

I'm worth $750 000 But I Still Ride The Bus To Band Paractice Cos Its Congruent To My re-re-Recycled Punk Principles


Sadly, these genius song titles never got used. I ended up getting replaced by the town drunk, as he proved even more pathetic and incapable of Shutting The Fuck Up than even I.

:'( Chloé

Valentine's Day song.

So Valentine's Day is once again upon us. Personally, VD means nothing to me. I'm sure there is some semblance of romantic thoughts and feelings inside of me, but they're buried way down deep, under a writhing, sticky pile of cynicism and half-digested candy.
It would take a pretty special (and congruent to me and my lifestyle) person to pull any genuine romantic affection out of me; such people are mighty thin on the ground 'round these parts.
Most years Valentine's Day is merely a mild irritant. Not this year though, for this time around I couldn't care less.
So to mark the occasion this year I will leave you with a song, which pretty much sums up my thoughts on the day and what it (has come to) stand(s) for.



Let the dead rot
Where they fall
You know sometimes I need a crutch
Just to crawl
So
Loathsome
So loathsome down inside
My heartstrings
They ain't yours to pull
Cops in latex gloves trying
To search my skull
So
Loathsome
So loathsome down inside

I FEEL SO LOATHSOME DOWN INSIDE.

Rancid junk-thought
Elephantitus of the mind
Rancid junk-thought
Elephantitus of the mind
This is my
Escape art
Exhibition
This is my
Escape art
Exhibition
Escape art
Exhibition
Escape art
Exhibition
And I'm never coming back.

♥ Chloé

New Zealand Songs of F*cking Angst pt. 2

With all the hubris and hollow back-patting of the Grammys upon us I think its high time for another post that focuses on music. So with that in mind, welcome to part deux of New Zealand Songs of Fucking Angst. This time around we have a lovely track from Wellington band Shihad, who were once very good.

Shihad: Derail
This is a song from Shihad's 1993 album Churn, which is quite frankly a flat-out monster of an album. It was the first album for the band (their only prior release being the 4 song speed metal EP Devolve) and is permeated with various themes; that of isolation, of being trapped within the machinations of modern society, and of the dehumanization that has come about due to the state of modern life. its a very reactionary record, that rips and gouges with cold steel pincers at the rotting underbelly of human existence and the lies that fuel our lives.
Not that I wish to paint this album as being all about doom and gloom, verily there are glimmers of hope that shine through the crushing derision inherent within this album. Like a flower growing up through a crack in concrete, to use a hackneyed simile.
But what I love about this album the most, aside from the music, is it completely uncompromising and bilious attitude towards the piss-poor state of the falsities humans have built up around life; the perfidiousness of the media, the consumer-driven materialism and the uncompassionate "me first" human extrapolation of the apophthegmatic "survival of the fittest" that is so ubiquitous in the collective mindset of humankind. To name but a few issues explored on this album.



In other words, an album that the likes of I can certainly get behind.
Here's track 7 from the album, unedited and presented in its full glorious entirety, the mighty Derail.



I'm putting this song up online as a public service really, as the only way to listen to this song online otherwise is to watch the official video clip on youtube, which has poor audio, poor picture quality and has been edited so the entire middle 8 of the song is not included. Hopefully me putting it up here is OK with the karma of the world.
As an added bonus, here are the lyrics to the song:

Abrasive to the touch.
All in all in all the same thing now.
We are gathered here in nonesuch.
Hooks back to the line.
And I trip over myself here
and I trip over myself.
Something's stuck in me here
and I can't get out.

Some in paint.
Some in blood.
Some in makeup.
Derail me.

To everything -
churn, churn, churn
There is a season -
churn, churn, churn
There is a reason -
churn, churn, churn
This ain't the time or the place.

I am sick of walking into rainbows.
I am sick of plugging into rainbows.
I am sick of tuning into rainbows.
I am sick of turning into rainbows.

If you enjoyed that wee ditty I urge you to track down a copy of the album, its definitely well worth it.

♫ Chloé