Gone Emo (Not Really)

Because I'm a rather small, fairly thin, floppy-fringed git, I was recently approached by the local emo band (the "Suitably Allienated & Downcast Suburban Anguish Quartet", or "SADSAQ" for short) to be their lead singer.
I'm certainly capable of "singing" in a whiny, nasally voice, and regular readers of my entries here will recognize how adept I am at grizzling about things. Besides, if that woman from Paramore can do it then so can I (which doesn't mean I should do it, but oh well).
The band had some songs but no lyrics. Those were left for me to write. I decided to come up with some song titles first. All modern emo bands need "wacky" song titles. Just like all 80's hair metal bands needed at least two members who sported permed and feathered mullets.
Most of these song titles aren't examples of great work on my part (they were all dreamed up during a 20 minute car ride). But there are a couple I quite like.


I'm Straight Edge But I'll Meet you At The Whinery

Razor Scars On Your Arms As A Fashion Accessory [actually, this one seems more suitable as a Locust song title]

Obligatory Girl's Name

Yet Another Ridiculously Long Song Title That Has Nothing Remotely To Do With The Song's Lyrics Or What The Song Is About

I'd Like To Sleep With You But Your'e So Pretty And I'm So Shy So I'll Just Stay In My Room And Have A Cry And A Wank Instead (Doing Procreation A Favour)

There's A Good Reason These Monkeys Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet

I Have 37 Fall Out Boy Songs On My itunes But Not One Song By Planes Mistaken For Stars

13 years Ago We Would Have Been Rapping Over Downtuned Guitars

We Love E And A Pentatonic-Based Riffs, That's Why All Our Melodic Guitar Parts Sound Like They're Been Played By Heavilly Intoxicated Members Of Iron Maiden

I Like To Wear Clear Plastic-Lensed Spectacles

glassJAw Eats Bands Like Yours For Breakfast

The Only thing XXX About You Is That Porno Your Mom Made

I'm worth $750 000 But I Still Ride The Bus To Band Paractice Cos Its Congruent To My re-re-Recycled Punk Principles


Sadly, these genius song titles never got used. I ended up getting replaced by the town drunk, as he proved even more pathetic and incapable of Shutting The Fuck Up than even I.

:'( Chloé